That moment you remember what peaches meant, memories flush back into your mind and make you smile like crazy.
Music is about sharing one of most treasured gifts in the world, the expressing of emotions and memories maybe even something so personal that it reminds you of home. Sverige, Sweden, the theme for our concert speaks to not just to the Swedish people but to every single ethnic culture that holds a memory of the homeland in their mind. It is hard for us Americans to understand the deep importance of longing for a land that you used to call home. The music we are singing today speaks to all people singing for their homeland, singing to unify each other.
I am so blessed to be able to be sing this music with such good singers and an amazing choral conductor who lets this music speak through him. I could never have imagined myself to be so emotional about Swedish music; it evokes my love, my humor and most of all my musicality. This concert is not one to miss, I hope you can come and see it.
So I realized I only result to tumblr in times of worries or where I truly need to ramble on for a while and be able to read it.
So yeah…. I tend to imagine too soon and too deeply. I imagine the future, picture the days, and dream the possibilities. It becomes so real it becomes like a second reality, and when the second reality gets shifted/”destroyed” it really tears a hole in me. It happens a lot actually…. and the thing is that this time it was for something really stupid…. like extremely stupid. I should be like extremely happy…. but instead I am actually kind of sad.
The more and more I realize it… the more and more I am truly falling in love again. Teresa and I had something, but thinking back on it, it wasn’t what I have today. I can be me, I am me…. I do the things I want to do…. I can joke like I do… I can mess up and have it be ok. It is everything I have dreamed about it and it came out of the most unexpected girl. Looking back a year ago I didn’t ever see myself dating anyone like her but yet God showed me otherwise. And my biggest problem in life that I am impatient… once I have my mind set on something it is going to happen… but when I have something I really want but it relies on other people it gets really troublesome. It’s like anxiety… it feels like falling…. it just feels empty when I can’t control where my life ends up. I need a plan… I need a path…. I need clarity. I consider everything, all the possibilities, all the outcomes… but in the end when there is another human factor besides myself I know I can’t control it and that is the emptiness I feel. The dangers of dating are not being to take complete and total control of your life.
I’ll get over it… but man does this feeling suck.