So had an interesting day. Woke up late thinking it was going to be just another day… wrong.
My mom comes home from work and comes downstairs and seems mad. I already knew this wasn’t going to be good. She thought I was avoiding her and I wasn’t, so I listened but knew it was going nowhere…. then the harshest words I have heard in a long time hit me… “I told your father that ‘It’s ok he isn’t my biological child that has had to deal with my shitty cooking for 18 years’ “. That sentence was a hard pill to swallow.
Yes you provided for me and cared for me for the past 2 years but you gave me a home and wanted me to call you mom and dad. I do love you but when you target me saying “I didn’t sign up for this”… what did you sign up for? Did you expect to have a perfect child and expect me to stay with you forever? Why can’t the fact that I am happy and that I chose to be with you be enough. Why must I fulfill the void of your biological family?
The hardest thing for me to understand and I ask myself periodically is… “was I the decision to a midlife crisis?”. That question lingers inside me and I live life as happy as I can but it’s days like these that I don’t know what to do.
"Conceal…. don’t feel…. don’t let them know…let it go.", that is how I feel most of days when it comes to my problems because guess what I do have problems. But I deal with them… I try my hardest to let it go but I can’t. I live life happily though… I am happy with it because I have everything I want. All I want is to change people to think differently… to think for themselves to be better than what they let themselves be. So far I have done that with a handful of people and it has made the difference.
Anyway for a happier part my Grandma told me a story that I already knew about when I was little. I went to go see an Opera that my biological mother was in the chorus. And there was a guest male singer that sang. And when he sang apparently I closed my eyes and felt every emotion of the song and as it grew and grew in emotion I started crying because I was overwhelmed with the song. My Grandma knew since that day that I would do something with music.